People write in to ASK MIDLIFE BACHELOR with questions. An index of all Q&As is located on the ASK MIDLIFE BACHELOR INDEX page. Email your question in complete confidence to [email protected].
| SHOULD I LEAVE MY WIFE THIS TIME (for having one night stands)? | |
|
DEAR MIDLIFE BACHELOR: Me and my wife have a 2 year old and a 5 year old. I am 27 years old, and she is 25. We have been together 5 years, married for two. She has cheated on me once before (3 years ago) with a one night stand and I took her back. She recently cheated on me again with another one night stand and this time she got Chlamydia and I may have it now too (test isn’t back yet). I love her and she has cried and promised it won’t happen again but I feel like a fool taking her back but I love her and the kids too much not too. Should I leave my wife this time? Any advice please? MLB ANSWER: Hi – only you know for sure whether you should leave your wife this time. Having been through something similar in the past myself, I can tell you that for me – it eventually became crystal clear in my own mind what I needed to do. In other |
 |
|
words, as I thought things through and as the situation developed – there was no doubt in my mind that I had to leave her (we did not have children though). My point is – over time, you will know for sure what you need to do. You both are young. At age 44, what I can tell you is that in terms of cheating – it seems like people who I know who do that pretty much always do it. In other words, if they do it a couple of times – you should expect them to do it again in the future. That is just a data point for you to consider. Now some people will tell you that it is actually YOU who are responsible for her cheating … that your behavior is what causes her to stray … but I don’t buy that at all. She should respect you, your marriage, and your family enough not to cheat … because that is the most sacred part of a marriage, right? If your wife is sincere about not cheating on you again with these one-night stands, then she needs to stop putting herself into any position where this could be an outcome. In other words, if these one night stands happen when she is out bar hopping – then maybe she should not drink so much, maybe she shouldn’t be out bar hopping at all. Whatever the circumstances – she needs to take responsibility for not getting into situations where that is a possible outcome. It is obvious that you love your wife, and you don’t want to see your family torn apart by a divorce. Maybe you give her “one more chance” … and tell her that if it happens again that the marriage is definitely over? There is an article here called Is Cheating Worth It? … your wife should read it, even though it is written for a man’s perspective, I think it should be at least somewhat useful to her. It discusses environmental variables which can predispose someone toward cheating, and also the concept of collateral damage – which refers to harm that can be done to others as a consequence of cheating. Good luck – let us know how things go, okay? |
|
