Online Date Disappears for Weeks at a Time

I’m a 45-year old divorced male who has been out in the dating world for maybe 6 months or so. I’ve been meeting women through one of the online dating sites with mixed success – meaning that none have worked out seriously for one reason or another so far. This latest woman I met is who I’m writing about. She is an extremely good-looking Puerto Rican woman whose live-in boyfriend of 13 years dumped her for someone else. He moved out, and left her with a big house and car payments that she cannot afford, and she is losing both.

When I first met her, we went out two or three times and then she stopped responding to my texts and emails. Three weeks went by, and she’s back – as if she was never gone. When I asked her where she had been, she said that she has been depressed about her financial situation and didn’t feel like going anywhere or doing anything. So we go out a few more times, and things heat up considerably – making out, her with her top off, but no deal-

closer. I’m thinking we were one date away from making beautiful love together. But then she disappeared on me for several weeks. This time instead of not making a fuss, I basically told her via text that I needed to talk to her ASAP. She complied, and when we talked on the phone I told her that I thought we were building something together and that I didn’t appreciate the disappearing act. She said that she’s been really depressed about her financial situation, and that I am now adding to her stress by confronting her like that. It has been three weeks since that conversation, and I’ve only heard from her once since then. She is awesome, and I’d really like to have her as a girlfriend so what can you recommend I do?

First of all, welcome to the divorced single world of chaos. You are doing the right thing by meeting a bunch of eligible women via the online dating sites – so good work on that! The main thing you need to remember is – relationships either work or don’t work naturally … you cannot force them. In other words, you cannot control the feelings or behavior of others. [Well, in some cases you CAN control someone, but that’s generally not a good thing.]

My recommendation is that you DO NOTHING. She already told you that you are adding to her stress, and so the worst thing you could do right now is pester her. Since she is having severe financial problems, you could offer to help her out – but as of right now (given that she is not talking to you), I’d say do not even call her or email or text her, and just try to wait it out. She may NEVER call you again – and I think you have to move forward under that assumption. But if she does contact you, I suggest you not confront her … just be easy-going, understanding, and offer an ear to listen. Don’t give her judgmental opinions. She is probably having a really hard time right now, so try to put yourself in her shoes. Again – my recommendation is that you do not call or email or text her, wait for her to contact you. And in the mean time, I suggest you continue to meet other women because one of them might just be an even better choice for a girlfriend, right?

You should consider joining our Midlife Forum here on midlifebachelor.com … where we talk about a lot of things, including dating and midlife crisis issues. We’d be happy to have you as a member of our community. Here is a link to it:  Midlife Forum