Give Hot-and-Cold Psycho Girlfriend the Boot

My girlfriend of almost 6 years dumped me for the third time about six weeks ago. She has emotional problems, and often experiences “engulfment” and anxiety with regard to intimacy. I was so hurt, I sent her a civil letter addressing her intimacy issues. I never heard back from her. She is a therapist with Mom issues. We had this unbelievable chemistry together, but she would get scared after a hot night of sex or closeness and start distancing. The problem is, I fell so hard for this woman, and now it’s like our six years together never meant a thing. I know I should move on. She did the complete cut-off with me. I tried to get her to reconsider the next day following the breakup, but she just turned ice-cold and mute on the phone. I just don’t know if I can ever get her out of my heart or head. I am 53 and she is 55.  We are both very attractive,

intelligent professionals. I moved across town to be closer to her a few years ago. Every time I would bring up moving in together or marriage, she would change the subject, or flat out say that she is used to being alone. I have it in my head that I would like to stay friends with her, but I know if I heard her voice or saw her I would get sucked back into pining and longing for her. She has always done the “come here, go away” thing with me, but I know she loved me, or still loves me, but is BS-ing herself out of it … what do I do?

I see a fair number of situations somewhat similar to yours … and honestly, the best thing that I think you can do is to move on, and find someone new … someone who won’t pull the breakup-then-get-back-together stuff on you. There was recently another loosely-related Q&A here where I gave out similar advice:

ASK MIDLIFE BACHELOR – End the Break Up then Get Back Together Cycle

It is clear that you do not deserve this type of treatment. SHE is the one with the issue – and you cannot change her. Your only other possible alternative is to accept this type of behavior, and let the cycle continue forever. I’d say pull the plug – because there are a lot of other very nice women out there, and you WILL find one with the same or even better sexual chemistry.

That is the best advice I can offer, based on what you’ve told me. You might also consider joining our Midlife Forum here on midlifebachelor.com … where men and women our age discuss all sorts of dating- and relationship-related issues. Here is a URL to it:

The Midlife Forum on midlifebachelor.com – Discuss Anything, Regret Nothing!

Good luck – let me know how it goes, okay?