How do you minimize your downtime in between relationships? One answer uses somewhat of a kitchen analogy – what I refer to as the front burner / back burner concept. The idea is that as a single person … especially a newly single or divorced person … you never want to put all your eggs or energy in one basket entirely … because doing so overly exposes you to relationship risk … the risk of going without. And let’s face it – when you are freshly divorced … after you are through with the grief phase … what you typically want is a fairly steady diet of love, attention, and especially sex.
So what is this front burner / back burner concept? Really all it means is that you have the person you are dating full-time on what is referred to as the front burner. Whoever is on the front burner is number one … the woman you are sleeping with. At the same time, you want to keep being friendly with other women … the one or ones that you will figuratively keep on the back burner. The back burner women are not women you are sleeping with … but they are women who you pay just enough attention to so that they know you are interested in them. The idea is that every so often you have to “warm up” the back burner … you have to do or say something to them or with them just to keep the idea of you fresh in their mind.
How do you go about warming up a back burner woman? I think the answer depends on you and your style … and also who the back-burner woman is to you. If she is a good friend, then you can take her to lunch or happy hour periodically – and drop a complement here and there (but don’t be cheesy). If she is someone you see at her work (like a waitress or at some business you frequent), then my style would be to touch her arm and say something warm to her when you see her (again – don’t be cheesy). I think subtle messages go a long way … and so that constitutes my own personal style. Often what happens is that these women who you warm up over time become fairly overtly friendly – and when a front burner transition needs to made, it can be surprisingly easy.
So just to sum up the front burner / back burner concept – your current girlfriend is on the front burner. Women who you are interested in dating in the future are on the back burner. You have to keep whoever is on the back burner warm – which means paying them some attention. And when it is time for the relationship with your front burner girlfriend to end – you move one of the back burner women to the front burner. And you’ll know which of the back burner women to pick – she’ll be the one most interested in you. Or possibly she’ll be the one with the biggest boobs. ha ha
