Fundamental Truth #4: Female Friends are a Critical Asset

First recognize that you are now a midlife bachelor for a reason – either you were previously in a marriage or long-term relationship, and that chapter of your life is now history OR (in the case of a perpetual bachelor) you just cannot seem to maintain any sort of long-term relationship with a woman.  Either way – you probably can use some coaching, right?  And your male friends can tell you all day long about what they think – but their advice is from a man’s point of view … which may or may not be actually useful or applicable to you.  Getting a female’s viewpoint about your situation and persona might benefit you more than a man’s opinion … simply because women are more likely to be able to assess what other women see in you.

Here’s a quick illustration of good female input concerning my friend, Mike.  For years, Mike had long shoulder-length hair … which is fine if you are a rock star, but can become less appealing to women as we enter midlife bachelorhood.  Mike LOVED his long hair – he was totally convinced that it made him look like the rock star Sammy Hagar … and that it was very sexy and unique.  He used to say that if a woman didn’t like him because of his long hair – he didn’t need her … because one shouldn’t judge someone else based on their appearance.  Now many of my female friends used to tell me essentially that Mike would be a very good-looking guy if he just cut his hair shorter.   Mike even heard this from a number of women – but I believe it was his super-sexy hairdresser that finally convinced him to do it.  The reaction to Mike’s short hair has been universal praise!  Everyone thinks he looks great!

Female input on potential improvements to a midlife bachelor’s appearance is always valuable – but at the same time, you have to be careful who you listen to.  It is beneficial to receive the input of several women just to be sure.  I say this because I recall that a female friend of my friend, Pauline, told Mike to grow his hair longer! That particular woman (her name escapes me) was kind of a hippy-type – so what I’m stating here is that one should always get multiple opinions, and also keep those opinions in context.  A young black woman might suggest that you dress hip-hop … but clearly that is not going to work in your favor if you are a midlife bachelor chasing professional Caucasian women in their late thirties to late forties.  Your best bet is obviously to listen to women in your target demographic. In other words, if you are after really good-looking Latinas – ask one of your good-looking Latina friends how you should dress, or what she would suggest you change (if anything).

Female friends can also be very valuable in terms of helping you get a date.  Sometimes your female friends will know other women who they think might be “your type”, and who will help you get a date with. For example, one of my female friends, Paula, has a daughter named Sarah who was going to night school with a mid-thirties Latina divorcee named Monty.  Sarah thought that Monty might want to meet me – and so (after getting Monty’s approval) gave me Monty’s number.  I knew after the first date that Monty was a woman who I wanted to be with – and after a few more dates, we wound up being a couple … and were a couple for quite some time.  Not every blind date is successful – not by a long shot, but this particular one worked out really well for me.

Female friends can also help you meet a woman if you are out together as friends.  One night several years ago, me and my friend (who is also named Greg) went out to a sushi bar with my female friend, Denise.  As the three of us sat at the sushi bar, a mid-thirties blonde woman sat by herself on the other side of Denise – and Denise started talking to her.  It turned out she was single, fairly recently divorced – and I thought she was cute as hell. Now the other Greg was married – so I was the only bachelor at the bar … so Denise introduced me to this woman (Angela).   While I was in the restroom, Denise told Angela that I was such a great guy, and that she should consider maybe going out with me.  I asked for Angela’s phone number before we left – received it, and proceeded to go on a few dates with her.  Nothing wound up really happening with Angela and me – as she was in a different place than I was at the time.  [I really wanted a girlfriend, and a physical relationship – and Angela was more in a “stay by herself”-type mode … but that was fine, as Angela and I wound up becoming good friends.

My message here is that female friends are great asset and resource for midlife bachelors to have in many ways … so be sure to keep yourself open to having female friends, and also to making new female friends.  If as a new midlife bachelor you stumble a bit on trying to figure out if a particular woman is interested in you more as a friend versus a boyfriend – rest assured that over time, you will gain the ability to determine the difference more quickly and easily.  For me, I usually proceed cautiously with respect to women who are friendly toward me – until I’m sure what their angle really is.  This a great transition into the next fundamental truth – which has to do with differentiating a woman who is “nice” from one who is “interested”.

NEXT is Fundamental Truth #5 – NICE versus INTERESTED which you can also access through the DROPDOWN menu on the top-left of this page.  You can also ADD ANY COMMENTS you wish down below (using our commenting system) OR you might even consider checking out our Midlife Dating Discussion Forum (link immediately below) …