People write in to ASK MIDLIFE BACHELOR with questions. An index of all Q&As is located on the ASK MIDLIFE BACHELOR INDEX page. Email your question in complete confidence to [email protected]
HOT 51-YR OLD LATINA WOMAN WANTS YOUNGER MAN
DEAR MIDLIFEBACHELOR: My name is Dora, and I want you to know that I think you gave Travis some really good advice. He sounds like a really nice man, and sometimes you need to do nothing at all to attract someone. I am going to ask midlifebachelor what I can do. I, too, am looking for someone special and at my age it is very hard to meet someone. I have the problem of not looking 51, and yet not being young enough for someone younger. The men in my age category are old looking. I don’t like bars. What’s a woman like me to do? Dora, (Oklahoma City, OK), age 51
MLB ANSWER: You are the first woman to write in to ASK MIDLIFEBACHELOR, and so we celebrate the new ground we are breaking here. You were kind enough to attach a photo to your message, and yes – we can see that you definitely look great at age 51. Your challenge is to find a younger man who doesn’t mind dating someone slightly older. One suggestion might be online dating – definitely use your photo … as that will get you attention. If you do not want to do the online dating thing, then you need to go to where your market is – which means you will need to frequent places where the type of men you desire can be found. This could mean happy hour at a local high-end restaurant, or going to the gym at prime time (after work), or maybe even the grocery store right after work. If you are a church-goer, then spend time at Bible study, etc. No matter which of these are appropriate – remember to be friendly toward the world … show them that nice smile of yours … and say “hi” to people … be approachable. Put yourself out there, and see what happens. This is the same advice I would give a man who might write in with a similar question. Since you are a woman, I can’t really point you to some of the other sections of midlifebachelor.com for reference (since those are oriented at a male reader). But if you instead were a man with the same problem, I would suggest checking out the Midlife Bachelor Personal Makeover and Develop a Strategy for Midlife Bachelor Success sections. Good luck to you, Dora – with a face and smile like yours, I’m positive you are going to do just fine!
HAVING TIME TO SPEND WITH A WOMAN IS A KEY ADVANTAGE
DEAR MIDLIFEBACHELOR: Nice web site and I have booked it into my favorites. It couldn’t come at a better time in my life. I have a GREAT four year old son named Christopher who means the world to me. My favorite sports are rugby and Australian football. I am a cancer survivor and have to live with congestive heart failure. I love to draw, read, and go to the movies and spend quality time with my son. At this point in my life, I could use all the dating tips I could get. I am having to live with my sister and raise a four year old and live with being unemployed at the same time. YEAH!!! I’m a chick magnet, alright:-) Travis, (Raleigh, North Carolina), Age 39
MLB ANSWER: Travis – you have definitely gone through a lot, and have some current challenges. I think it is great that you have the time to spend with your son, and are doing so. Without question – being a great father is the best thing you can do. In terms of dating, there is definitely someone out there for you. You told me briefly about your challenges … but you did not mention your unique strengths. What I advocate in general is a “Leverage your strengths, minimize your weaknesses” philosophy. Without hearing more from you, I have to take a guess at the best advice to give you. First of all – unemployment might be something you can turn into a strength … in the sense that you have time to spend with a woman. Single mom’s often need help with many things … and being able to physically be there a lot could be a key benefit for the right woman. Take your son to places where other parents bring their kids to play – and do your best to interact with the moms. Even if they are married – be very nice, as they might want to introduce you to one of their friends. The more interaction with women you have, the more likely you are to get a date. To be clear – I think your best bet is to focus on meeting single moms. Plus your kids can play together. In terms of what to read inside this site, I would suggest you read the Personal Makeover section, just to make sure you are not overlooking anything. The Develop a Strategy section overall would be good for you to read – and, in particular, maybe check out the Lead Generation – Finding New Women to Date subsection. Good luck to you, my brother – please let us know how your efforts go!
YOUNGER MAN / OLDER WOMAN
DEAR MIDLIFEBACHELOR: I am 36- years old, and I have a first date on Friday with a woman who is eight years older than me. This woman is a successful professional, dresses nice all the time, is well-respected in the community, and has been divorced for two years. I know you told the guy who was interested in the much younger woman to “always go for it” – is your advice the same for me? If I wind up dating her regularly, what should I expect out of this older woman? Michael (Phoenix, AZ).
MLB ANSWER: I have dated older women on a number of occasions – and have always found them to be more direct and more to-the-point in every way. When women reach their forties – they know what they want, and they don’t waste their time with you if they are not interested. Older women are more mature – and the one you describe sounds like a definite winner … as you said she is a professional. My guess is that she thinks you are a hot young stud, and is probably really excited about going out with you. My advice is that you play it cool during the date – and see how things go. Be a gentleman, but if you really like her then consider letting her know at the end of the date with a really nice good night kiss. You can soften the ALWAYS GO FOR IT rule of midlife bachelorhood to suit the situation, if necessary. Or you can take that concept down field – if that is what the situation calls for. If you like her, then play it safe – but don’t at least attempt to kiss her (otherwise she might think you are either not attracted to her, or are only interested in being friends). Now you don’t sound like you need too much help with the mechanics of the date – but if you do, then check out the section on Watch for Signs or Signals on the First Date and also the Saying Goodnight or Goodbye on the First Date or Two section. Oh – you also asked what to expect if you start dating her regularly … I think you can expect a wild ride, my brother!
OLDER MAN / MUCH YOUNGER WOMAN – YES!!!
DEAR MIDLIFEBACHELOR: A much younger woman appears to be very interested in dating me, and I am debating what to do. I am 48 years old, and have been divorced for several years. I am pretty well-off financially, and have been dating different women since my divorce – although I have not had what I would call a serious relationship since my divorce. This much younger woman I am interested in is 20 years my junior, and totally hot. Do you think I should pursue her? George B (Laguna Niguel, CA).
MLB ANSWER: First, on behalf of all midlife bachelors of the world – we applaud you and your situation. ;o) Okay – you really gave us a very limited amount of information on both you and the “much younger woman” so I’ll do my best here. The golden rule of midlife bachelorhood is “always go for it” – so if we refer to that rule, then you know what to do. Recognize, however, that the greater your age difference – the less likely are the odds of a long-term relationship succeeding. But maybe you don’t need “long term” right now – maybe just maybe a short-term focus might do you some good. I think you should go for it, and see where this new potential relationship takes you. We at midlifebachelor.com are extremely interested in hearing either more details or updates to your saga – so please consider keeping us informed. Update – for a fresh perspective on the topic of why a younger woman would want to be with a midlife guy, please see the MIDLIFE ARTICLE entitled, Are Midlife Men Attractive to Women in their Twenties?
In terms of suggestions we can offer that might help you succeed with this new younger woman – please check out the section on Midlife Bachelor Personal Makeover. You will likely need to particular attention to your personal appearance – so pay extra close attention to the subsection entitled Personal Appearance 2.0 I would specifically recommend that you shave or wax your body hair – your new young girlfriend is likely shaved … yes!!!
THE DOGHOUSE – A PLACE WE ARE ALL FAMILIAR WITH
The other day someone asked me about what comments I have made to women in the past that have instantly put me into THE DOGHOUSE … and so I thought I would share that list here. ;o)
See the MIDLIFE ARTICLE entitled “Instant Doghouse – What NOT to Say to your Girlfriend” … which is where these comments have been placed, along with explanations.
