RELATIONSHIPS BASED ON LUST OFTEN FAIL
DEAR MIDLIFE BACHELOR:
When I read the section of midlifebachelor.com entitled, Great Sex Hides the Truth, I realized that I was not imagining things. I would further add that great sex also causes denial. It allows us to ignore a train wreck in progress. I already know the answer to my current problem, which is to cut my losses and run. But I don't want to because the sex is unbelievable. So that puts me in denial thinking that some how or way things will get better.
I have experienced much in my 40 something years, which included everything from, sex once every four months to sex four times a day. I have dated very normal woman, as well as nymphos and psychos. I was even married to a bipolar woman once, too. What a freaking nightmare! Ever since, I have heightened my situational awareness to
women and their ways.
I will share with you what makes my sex so great and the hidden truth. I have known her for over 20 years. She was married to a good friend of mine who died suddenly from natural causes. Maybe she sexed him to death. Just kidding, but I know his sex life was great because I got to hear about it from both of them. Yes, strange but true. I had to keep my distance from her because there was an obvious and strong attraction between us and I had no intention of cheating on my friend. But now the rules have changed.
Our attraction is physical and chemical. It has been that way for two decades. Our bodies and minds are a perfect fit in the bedroom. Our sex is paradise. She says she loves me but I think she loves the sex and having a man to entertain her. Unfortunately the relationship only works in a neutral fantasy world that we create. No kids, no common friends, no common places. I cannot explain why, but that is the only way we can co exist. I am not perfect by any means, but I am no loser either. I am successful, easy going and can get along with anyone - except her. Our beliefs and demons are opposites. She reminds me of an expensive car that I could never afford. A pipedream or just one of those wishes that I accept will never happen. She is OCD and is a huge gratification-seeker. All of her clothes as well as her kid's are ridiculously organized, her house is more sterile than an operating room, and she has to excessively plan each day well in advance. Additionally she loves children more than what I would call normal. She is in her forties and wants more babies. She has four kids of her own and borrows other infants to pretend she is a new mother. A little unhealthy there.
Believe it or not, she still has a smoking hot body that is under constant self-inflicted scrutiny. This woman could have any man she wants - she knows it, and thrives on the attention. She was unfaithful to her deceased husband and I am sure she would be unfaithful to me if I chose to marry her. Furthermore, she is a "Little Miss can't be wrong" and refuses to apologize for anything because she is always "right". With her, it's about winning. In spite of the insanity, when we are in "Switzerland," life is good.
To get to the point, we are only sexually compatible. Coexisting in the real world is a nightmare. Tensions rise, fights start and we run away. But then we painfully miss each other. It is a vicious codependent cycle that we both deny, because the sex is so good. We obviously need to end this but neither of us can replace the intimacy we share. With anyone else, sex is boring ... unfulfilling, and is borderline assisted masturbation.
So what would the Midlife Bachelor suggest here? Cut our losses and run?
MIDLIFE BACHELOR ANSWER:Thanks for writing in - it sounds to me like you have an exceptionally good handle on the situation overall. You have been around the block in the past, and experienced many types of relationships with different types of women. You are currently in a sex-based or lust-centered relationship with a woman who you have nothing in common with ... and who in many ways, you do not even like as a person. The only things the two of you have in common are that you have known one another for a long time, and your sexual chemistry together. She obviously annoys you, and you believe that she would cheat on you. And so you have arrived here at midlifebachelor.com - wondering if you should continue your relationship ... or cut your losses?
First of all - recognize that life COULD EASILY be a lot worse, ya know??? Count your blessings - as most people in all age groups are not able to experience the sexual nirvana that you now enjoy!
I've personally only had one woman like the one you describe in my life ... where we could screw each other repeatedly (sometimes 4 to 6 times in a day) ... where we were just so attracted to one another that nothing else mattered ... but my situation was different. We didn't really fight - in my case, I slowly began to recognize that she was a COMPLETE IDIOT, and there was no way I could continue to date her ... because she was such a mental midget. So what I did was - I rode that wave as long as I possibly could ... until circumstances dictated that it could not continue. In my case - she cheated on me ... but it was right at the point also where simply listening to her talk just annoyed the daylights out of me.
So my advice to you is - keep riding her until you reach that point where you simply cannot stand her anymore, and then move on. But recognize (as I have) that extreme attractions like this almost never happen (only happened once in my life for me anyway). You will, of course, have a fond memory - just like I do.
Hopefully this was helpful. I encourage you to consider joining our Midlife Forum here on midlifebachelor.com ... where we talk about a lot of things, including dating issues. We'd be happy to have you as a member of our community. Here is a link to it - the Midlife Forum on midlifebachelor.com