I have told my girlfriend several times now that she needs to discipline her children and they need a swat or two when they are behaving really bad. When I yell at her kids, she gets mad and tells me to stop and this stupid behavior on her part is starting to cause fights between us. If I say anything to the 8-year old he says he's gonna "tell his dad on me", and then I sometimes snap back "go ahead and tell your loser dad on me". My question is how do you think I can get my new girlfriend to start being a better parent? The way she's going right now, her kids are gonna run right over her - especially when they become teenagers. I don't have any kids myself so this is kind of a new situation for me.
MIDLIFE BACHELOR ANSWER:
Wow - you have one heck of a situation on your hands. I'm going to give you some advice, and I'm not sure you will like it but please at least think about what I am about to tell you.
First of all, you sound like a very controlling person. You are trying to control her, and to control her children. You have no right to do either. You are her new boyfriend of just two months and it amazes me that you are so judgmental ... of her, of her kids, and of her ex-husband. If it was your girlfriend writing in (instead of you), I would probably suggest she attempt to set you straight once or twice - and if your behavior persists, then I would tell her to dump you. Sorry man!
Okay - so if you want my advice, here is what I think you should do. I think you should NOT try to coach her into disciplining her children ... because it really is none of your business ... especially not after just two months of dating. I think you should back off, and let her deal with raising her kids, and let her deal with any bad behavior on their part. I also do not think you should refer to the kid's father as a "loser" around them - that is hugely disrespectful, and won't do anyone any good at all. And that's still true even if he IS a loser ... you just shouldn't say things like that to his children.
Now if you just cannot deal with the way she is raising her kids, then you should probably do everyone a favor and stop dating the mom. Everything you are talking about doing or wanting to do will only cause harm, and make the situation worse. I do suggest that if you continue to date her that you read this subsection of Midlife Dating Advice, under Fundamental Truths about Women and Midlife Dating Today ... called Women with Children Can Be Challenging, and its associated Seven Key Principles when Dating a Woman w/Children. Here are four of the seven key principles which I think you should pay particular attention to:
4) Never question or differ with the opinion of the mother concerning her children
5) If the children act up, let the mother deal with it
6) Do not badmouth the father of the children, no matter what.
7) Always conduct yourself in a responsible manner around her children because you are a role model at all times.
All of the above is just my opinion, of course - and I could be wrong. Perhaps the readers out there will add some COMMENTS below, and let us know what they think. Good luck - hopefully this situation will turn out well for everyone.
Please use our COMMENTING FEATURE at the bottom of this page to add your own candid comments here for others to see and respond to. You also might consider looking at or joining our Midlife Forum - where we discuss many issues related to midlife divorce and dating ... just click on the graphic below.
Privacy | Terms of Service
© 2007 - 2017, midlifebachelor.com, All rights reserved.